Fried Ice Cream

This is easiest to make with a blast freezer, however if you don’t have one, then a regular freezer (set to the coldest setting)  will work fine. I’m going to give directions for a regular freezer.
 
 Because of the amount of oil needed for the fryer, I would suggest making the investment worth it and making this recipe with a whole box of ice cream for a party or something- say the up and coming holiday of 4^th of July- perfect occasion…

OK, Here’s what you’’ll need:

• Fryer (if you don’t have one, K-Mart sells them for under $20 bucks!)
• 2-4 gallons of peanut oil (depending on the fryer size)
• Tub/ Bucket/ Big container of Ice cream- whatever flavor you like. Lately I’ve been a huge fan of making this with the heath bar flavor, but to each his own. If it’s for a holiday, try using an ice cream that goes with the color (like blueberry or strawberry for the 4^th.)
• Macadamia nuts- crushed
• 12 eggs (cage free is always nice. If you aren’t aware of the conditions chickens are kept in, I won’t preach, but they cost the same- Just a thought.).
• Panko Crumbs (Lots and Lots- probably two tubes. Be careful to get regular seasoned & not Italian...)
• Coconut (shredded, unless you want to break open the thing and shred it yourself)
• Vanilla extract (THIS DOES NOT TASTE GOOD ON ITS OWN. Believe me; that was a hard lesson to learn)

 Here's how it’s done:

Pre scoop the ice cream servings and put back in the freezer on the coldest lever for 6 hours.

Remove two eggs at a time, crack and beat with a tablespoon of vanilla.

Mix Macadamia, coconut and panko in bowl.

Remove, cover in egg mixture, and coat with crushed macadamia, panko and coconut.

Put the ice cream back in the freezer for another two hours.

Take out and coat again.

From here, use your judgment. If you think the ice cream coat is thick enough, then pour the oil in your fryer and start to heat it up. Drop each ice cream ball in there for about a minute or until the coating is brown. If your coating is still pretty thin, keep adding layers until it feels crusty and heavy when you take it out of the freezer. Otherwise when you fry the ice cream, it will just goop and melt everywhere.

 

 

Gluten Free Turkey Lasagna

This is one of those rare times when the healthy version is sincerely so much better, both nutritionally and tasting, then the unhealthy version. Here's what you'll need:

• Ground turkey (5 or 6 lbs)
• veggie brand gluten/ dairy free mozzarella (don't try to eat this by itself; it tastes gross. But mixed with everything else, its delicious).
• shredded Parmesan cheese
• 1/2 onion, either yellow or white, minced
• 4 cloves garlic, minced
• 1/3 cup good olive oil
• white mushroom- minced
• rosemary
  
• thyme
• salt
• pepper
• gluten free lasagna pasta
• oregano
• ricotta cheese- LOTS of it

Here's how its done:
Brown turkey meat in skillet. Drain & set aside.
Heat the oil in a pan over medium, Add the minced mushroom, garlic and onion.
Let that simmer awhile, maybe 10-15 minutes, so that the flavors marinate together.
When your house starts to smell amazing, add the turkey meat to the oil and generously douse with rosemary, thyme, salt and pepper.
Boil the pasta until al dente. Make sure you ass salt so the pasta doesn't stick. (If it does stick together later on, just run some cold water over it- it will be fine).
Grease a baking pan and layer the pasta along the bottom, with no spaces in between.
Spread the ricotta across the pasta, then add the meat portions in a layer, heavily sprinkle with oregano, and finally a layer of veggie cheese.
Repeat these layers until you are out of ingredients and then put a ton of Parmesan top.
Bake at 350 for 40 minutes
Let it sit for 15 minutes when it comes out of the oven so the meat can settle, otherwise it wont look very pretty on the plate.

Saganaki

One of my favorite dive bars serves this, and my girlfriends and I grind out on it every time we sit down there. It’s simple enough to make at home, but if your anything like me, it may be best to have a fire extinguisher handy.

Stuff you’ll need:

• 1 pound (about 1/2 kg) of kefalotyri or kasseri cheese (or pecorino roma)
• 1/2 cup of olive oil
• Shot glass of Bacardi 151, Sambuca, or another high-proof alcohol (needs to be at least 80 proof) 
•  2-3 lemons, quarteredPita bread, quartered into bite size triangles for serving

How to do it:

Cut the cheese into slices or wedges that are 1/2 inch thick by 2 1/2 to 3 inches wide. Moisten each slice with cold water. In a small heavy-bottomed frying pan (cast-iron works best), heat the oil over medium-high heat, and sear each slice in 1 tablespoon of oil until golden-brown on both sides. Remove from heat and pour a shot of Bacardi 151 (I like brown rum) on top of the cheese while still hot. Immediately light the liquor on fire. While the fame burns of the excess alcohol (but leaves a delicious taste) squeeze the lemon over the cheese. Serve hot with pita triangles.

 

Hummingbird's Feet

I have no clue why,  but when I was a kid and I was sick or sad, my mom would make me tomato soup, grilled cheese and chocolate milk (in the blender), and we would call this hummingbirds feet. So with all the colds going around (for some reason...) right now, here is the perfect 'Get well soon' feel-good dinner.

 Ingredients:

• Tomato soup
• Velveeta Cheese
• Whole Milk

Get the Campbell’s tomato soup, and dump it out of the can. Follow the direction on the can, but replace the word “water” with milk. Just before serving, take a healthy chunk of Velveeta cheese and let it melts in the soup, so that every time you take a bite, there are strings of it stretching out.

See my “what’s in your fridge” grilled cheese recipe for the grilled cheese.

Totally quick and easy, but Lord it is so delicious. Sometimes it’s the simple things in life that are worth waiting for.

 

BONUS:

If I was really sad, my Mom would press cookie dough into greased muffin pans and then serve me ice cream in the ‘cookie bowl ‘.

 

Grilled Jimmy-crack-corn (and I dont care!)

Stuff you’ll need

• Corn on the cob- husks on
• Lime juice
• Butter
• Chili powder

 

How to do it:

Heat up the grill J

Soak the corn in the sink for about 10 minutes so that the husk doesn’t catch fire.

Pull down husk & put PLENTY of butter, lime juice and sprinkle with chili powde.

 Then wrap it back up. If you need to, tie off the husk with baking string so that the marinade remains inside OR wrap in aluminum foil.

Grill for about 30 minutes, rotating consistently.

Corn will be soft and crunchy and delicious. Eat right off the cob like a heathen (my method) or cut off kernels with knife into a little yellow mountain of yum.

Oh-my-goodness-it's-so-good-Skirt steak with Mushroom & Onion sauce

Stuff you’ll need:

One package of white or brown mushrooms (already sliced. The lazier I can be while cooking good food, the better).

One medium yellow onion, sliced into thin wedges.

• 1 tsp. of pre-diced garlic (comes in a little jar; Same rationale as the mushrooms.)
• 2 tbsp. olive oil
• 3 tbsp. butter
• Skirt steak (8 oz.), about 1/2” thick
• 1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
• 1 tsp balsamic vinegar
• 1/3 cup red wine.

 

How it’s done:

Melt the butter and oil on medium-low in a frying pan.

Turn the grill on medium high.

Add the mushrooms & onions and just let them sit, stirring occasionally, on medium for about 15/ 20 minutes until the onions turn clear and the mushrooms get soft and brown.

Add the wine, Worcestershire and balsamic and simmer on medium high for an addition 10 minutes or until the mushrooms have absorbed some sauce color.

While the mushroom/ onion sauce is absorbing the sauce, throw the steaks on your warm grill and cook 6 minutes each side for medium-rare, 8 minutes each side for medium, and (while I don’t even think this should be an option) 10+ minutes each side for well to crispy (IE. Ruined, but that’s just my opinion).

Drain sauce, plate steak, and generously ladle the mushroom/ onion mixture over your steak.

Beats the hell out of A1 sauce.

Enjoy!

 

 

 

Double turkey peperjack- Guac burgers

I actually ate this last night at quarterdeck with friends, but I’m pretty sure I’ve got these flavors pinned down.

Stuff you’ll need:

• 1 lb. ground turkey (2 servings)
• olive oil and butter
• Gluten free hamburger buns (taste the same, cost almost the same, and are just worth the health benefits. Sometimes, the full fat version is all that will do, but with buns, its same-same
• 1 egg
• 1 tbsp. Worcestershire
• 1/2 tsp. each salt and ground sage
• tsp. pepper
• 2 tsp. each

How to make the deliciousness:

In medium mixing bowl combine turkey, egg, Worcestershire sauce and seasonings.

  Shape into 4 patties. (There will be two on each bun, so when in doubt you can go a bit thinner...)

 In frying pan, heat oil and butter together.

 Add patties and cook, turning once, until browned on both sides and solid. Turkey burgers have a crappy habit of falling apart when undercooked, so make sure they are firm.

Put the turkey burgers on a paper towel so that the grease soaks out.

Put the pepper jack cheese on the burgers while they are still hot so that it melts while the oil soaks out.

Take an avocado, cut vertically around pit, and scoop out all the delicious gloopy innards. When it comes to avocados, I say that less is more. They are so naturally flavorful. A little red onion and a little lime juice is all it really needs. Mash together and use this in lieu of mayonnaise or ketchup.

Two patties per gluten free bun, guac on both sides of the bun.

Happiness J

 

The world's freakin' best breakfast sandwich

This is not for the faint of heart, but I had two for dinner last night so I know you can handle it!

Stuff you’ll need:

• Butter Pam
• Butter (2 tbsp)
• Bacon (thick cut for the gluttonous or turkey for the anti-swine)
• Whole egg
• Tsp. salt
• Tsp. pepper
• English muffin
• Cheddar cheese slice. Surprisingly enough, the dairy free veggie yellow cheese slices are also awesome on this.

Here’s how it’s done:

Crowd a bunch of bacon onto a pan and fry those babies up! The more oil they cook in, the better. Fry until half fat and half crispy on medium AT THE HIGHEST. They cook too fast otherwise.

Remove bacon and let the grease drain off on a plate with a paper towel on it. I save my bacon grease in a jar and use a scoop here and there in green beans or jambalaya for flavoring (yeah… your welcome.)

Toast the English muffin (however you like it).

While that’s toasting, put Pam on a pan and add 1tbsp butter. Put pan on medium. When the grease turns clear-ish, crack the egg without breaking the yolk into the pan. The runny yolk is THE BEST. But if you’re not a yolk person (cough* “communist” cough*) then you can break the yolk but DON’T SCRAMBLE. Let the poor egg sit there until the whites are white.

Sprinkle with salt & pepper & flip. Sprinkle the other side.

Butter the English muffin, place egg on English muffin. Put cheese on top of egg. Add at LEAST 3 strips of bacon. Put the other side of the muffin on top. Break the yolk and spread that goodness all over your plate for dipping pleasure.

 

‘What’s -in –your- fridge?’ Grilled Cheese

OK, there are obviously room for variables here, but whenever I am totally at a loss, I can depend on the fact that I will have some sort of bread & cheese in my fridge.

For me last night, it was a 7 grain bread and Swiss. I also had some turkey breast and bacon in the meat drawer.

Stuff you’ll need:

• Bread
•  Cheese
• Anything that you think would be awesome inside of it.

How to make the deliciousness:

Take a medium frying pan and melt up some butter to grease it. The butter also gives the bread a nice brown color. I use 2 tbsp for each side of the grilled cheese.

Melt the butter on low-medium.

If your like me and you are using bacon, then microwave it for one minute first.

Put the bacon, turkey, and two slices of whatever cheese your using (in my case, Swiss) in-between the bread (in my case, 7 grain).

Place the whole sandwich on the medium low frying pan for 2 minutes.

Throw in the other 2 tbsp. of butter and flip the sandwich. Leave on for two minutes again.

When the cheese is melty, remove from the frying pan.

BONUS:

Grilled cheese is phenomenal by itself, but I’ll usually whip up an aioli to dip it in. World simplest aioli is mayo, spicy brown mustard, and honey, and the stuff I good on everything. A dip of that before each bite is pure happiness.

 

THE Crack-Bread

Stuff you need:

• Pillsbury crescent rolls
• Parmesan cheese (the cheap stuff you put on noodles is fine)
• Oregano
• Garlic salt
• Diced garlic (don’t do it yourself- that’s nuts. They sell diced garlic in a little tub that all ready for your eating pleasure).
• Melted stick of butter

How to make the deliciousness:

Unroll the crescent rolls so its one big sheet of carbohydrate goodness.
Brush the bread with the melted butter. (This way the inside will be all buttery goodness.)

Sprinkle oregano, garlic salt and diced garlic inside the rolls.

Separate & roll the crescents. If you want to be fancy, you can tie them into knots…

Baste rolls with butter again and sprinkle with oregano and parmesan. Don’t be cheap about it- cover those babies!

Bake at whatever temp & for whatever time the Pillsbury dough boy tells you to on the can.

Don’t burn them. That’s like spitting in gods eye. They are too good, damnit!

 

 

Twice-Baked Loaded Sweet Potatoes

Loaded Twice Baked Sweet Potatoes

Stuff you need:

• Sweet Potatoes (One for each lucky dinner guest)
• Mozzarella (the good stuff in that bag with the slimy looking water)
• Honey
• Red Grapes
• Apple Pie Spice

How to make the deliciousness:

Roast the grapes in the oven for about 20 minutes at 350. When they start ‘bleeding’ you can take them out.

Microwave each sweet potato until it’s somewhat soft. (You can bake it if you want but it takes triple the time and is no fun at all…). This will vary depending in size.

Take somewhat soft sweet potatoes and put in oven for 30 minutes at 350.

When orange, sticky juices start seeping out, take potatoes out of oven & cut open vertically down the center.

Take the end of the potatoe on either side of the slit in the middle and kind of push the potato together on order to make the opening in the middle wider.

While still piping hot, Scoop out all the potato innards and put them in a bowl. There is no way to not burn yourself at least twice while doing this, so wear oven mits, even though they’ll get covered in potato.

 Mix in the cheese, honey & apple spice. Then scoop the mixture BACK into the potato skins. Throw the roasted grapes on top.

Put potatoes back in oven for 10-15 minutes.

Take out & serve. If you really want to be gluttonous (like me) then add a bit of cream cheese in the potato-innards mixture.

Crack-Mac

Crack-Mac

Stuff you need:

• 1 box elbow mac
• 1 medium yellow onion, diced
• 3 cups whole, full fat, milk (FULL FAT= awesome)
• 3 tbsp. flour
• Stick of butter
• 1 tempered egg with yolk (if you don’t know what tempered means, just beat the crap out of an egg with a fork until it’s yellows and whites are mixed together)
• 6 oz sharp cheddar
• 6 oz Colby jack
• 3 oz mozzarella
• 1 jalapeño, diced
• 1 tsp. mustard powder
• 1 tsp. onion powder

How to make the deliciousness:

Preheat the oven to 350. Boil the pasta until soft.

While pasta is boiling, in a large pan, combine the milk, tempered egg flour, mustard & onion powder & 3 tbsp. butter to make a roux.

Stir constantly for about 5 minutes in a non-stick pan until it has a thick gravy-like consistency. If the pan is not non-stick, then the flour will clump up (not appetizing).

Add the diced onion and jalapeño

Add the cheese and stir until melty. Drain pasta and add to mixture.

**Resist the temptation to eat the whole gooey cheesy pan full. It’s so much better baked. **

Put cheesy pasta into baking dish. Melt the other 3 tbsp. of butter and drizzle along the top. If you really want to be fancy, throw some panko crumbs on top of that bad boy.

Bake for 30 minutes or until the top looks like its browning a bit.

OK, now eat. (Oh my gosh!)